If we were sitting down for a cup of coffee right now...
...I would just be real.
I struggle with being surface and I wonder how often I might put people off by being so real. But I just can't be anything else. If you have come here from my Midwest Magnolia blog, you know that very well by now. If you're new here, you'll see very quickly that we are transparent and don't do much sugar-coating. We believe in sharing our stories and encouraging each other through our own life's journeys.
So as we're sipping on our coffee (in our cute anthro cups with pumpkin spice creamer, cause ya know, Fall) I would tell you that my life is messy. But not really messy in general, more like, it hurts now.
2016 has kinda kicked me in the butt. I'm currently post-thyroid cancer and thyroid removal. So my whole entire body and mind is literally having to re-set itself. I did my normal obsessive research to prepare the best I could, but this is the kinda thing that only experience can show you what it's like.
About a month ago we had a personal loss in the family. I can't go into much detail on this because it effects other people who may not want to share that part of their story.
It's personally effected me in a way that I didn't truly expect. After a morning at church (and getting a word that was totally written JUST for me) I finally realized a word that could come close to explain the feeling. It sounds so dramatic saying it out loud, but it's real.
Broken-hearted. Have you ever felt like your heart was just broken?
I'm not talking romantically, although I'm not discounting that either. But more so just have you had so much thrown at you, from every direction, and you just felt broken? You can physically feel the heaviness on your heart.
That's where I'm at right now. And it's ok. I know it is. God has gotten me through so much in my life already and I know He will get me through this season too. But it's all a process. And there is so much to be learned along the way. There is so much healing that needs to happen.
In the midst of this heart break, I can choose to push God away to arms length. Do you what I mean? Like you know you love God and God loves you, but you just don't want to deal with the "God stuff" because you know it's going to be hard and you are already dealing with hurting, so you keep him a good enough distance so you don't have to deal with it.
Or I can choose to allow God to be close to me. I have to invite Him into my broken-heart though, He won't force Himself. And this is where I'm at right now.
I immediately sat down at my desk today, after coming home and putting the babies down, and drew this out. I've actually been seeing this scripture everywhere lately and I just had to get it down on paper.
There are times, even when we feel broken in a million pieces and we don't "feel" like praising, worshipping, praying and inviting Him in, knowing and holding as tight as we can to God's Truth is all we have. Sometimes we just need to read His promises to ourselves out loud. I think it's okay with God if we don't feel all good and happy and sweet about it. Sometimes I need a lesson on being real with God.
I've got this print hanging up on my wall right now. Right where I will see it every single morning and all through out my day. I'm going to remind myself all day to invite him into my broken-heart and let Him be close to me.
So right now, you can download this print for yourself if you like. I hope it will be a reminder to you as well to invite God in whatever you are going through.